Advice to the Sloven

De ever alert to the dirt on your shirt
In you want to look trim and attractive.
It's well to look swell when you're wooing a belle
Especially if she's exactive.

And zealously care for the wear of you hair
If you want to look princely and charming
While easy enough any stuff on your cuff
Could suggest a condition alarming.

Remember a sir is average to a her
Who appears to be seedy and shabby.
And the lure of a boor is distressingly poor
Whose manner is flabby and crabby.

It's clear that a tearful appearance is drear
And fills all around you with anguish.
So it's best to beguile with a smile all the while
Nor allow your gay spirit to languish.

Not high is the guy with a tie that's awry
In the eye of the maid he's pursuing.
If he's neat, head and feet, she would deem it a treat
If not, it could be his undoing.

You see a proud she can't agree with a he
Who doesn't play up to her fancy.
But a mien that is clean e'er a Jean or a Queen
Casts a spell like that old necromancy.

So dour and gray is the way of the jay
Who thinks all these warnings don't matter.
It's opined he will find if he isn't too blind
That they're much more than piffling patter.